Monday, January 4, 2010

I’ve been trying to blog but have been unable to write about anything without sounding whiney; and that just seemed “unholiday.” The holidays were nice and I am extremely grateful that my beloved was here to participate in those special days. It felt almost…well…normal.
I keep deluding myself into thinking things are becoming normal. Then suddenly, without warning, the new normality sinks in. A recent visit to the oral surgeon was one of these times.
A small bone spur had to be removed from George’s gum. The surgeon came in, looked in George’s mouth, grabbed a pair of dental pliers and started to remove the piece. No warning, no medication, nothing. From my chair across the room I watched in horror as my husband’s hands curled around the arms of the chair and his legs and body stiffened. I realized “Oh my God, he can’t even say “Ow” or “that hurts,” or even “Stop!” I bolted out of my chair yelling, “hey-you’re hurting him." I felt so helpless. I looked into George’s big, blue eyes and could see his pain and fear. If I felt helpless I could only imagine how powerless he felt. I’m afraid I wasn’t very polite with that young surgeon but I’m sure he will never again assume his patient can communicate.
I should relate that the chemotherapy treatments have been completed and George has had no hair loss, no nausea/vomiting or any of the other interesting side effects chemo is known to bring. Radiation will be finished on the 18th of this month. He is getting fluids daily and is weak, frustrated, and very, very short-tempered.
The radiation oncologist wanted to keep him overnight at the hospital a couple of weeks back because his vitals were so low. George’s answer to that idea was “No Way in Hell! You can either remove these lines and let me out of here now or I take them out and leave, but either way I’M LEAVING!”
You guessed it – they let him go home! Now they ask me what his “temperature” is when he comes in in the morning!
Let’s hope his “temperature" stays “normal” until the treatments have all been completed.


  1. Oh my gosh Quieten, I can't imagine how insensitive that surgeon was and am so glad you were there. Poor George is contending with enough already.....just about there Quienten, hang in there for a couple of more weeks when all the treatment will be finished.
    You seem to be doing very well, and I can tell you really have developed patience as you nurture George, he is so blessed to have you.
    Your normal will return soon sweetie, you are almost at the finish line and when George feels better so will you. Always in my heart and prayers......:-) Hugs

  2. Oh, Quieten,

    I'm absolutely outraged!!!!! How insensitive!!! How horrible!!! So, so glad that George has you to be an advocate for him. That is absolutely necessary for cancer patients!!!! And you were simply wonderful!!! I'm sure George was very grateful to you!!! I KNOW I would have been!!

    And you are getting there, dearest Quieten...Keep marking off the days...I know it probably seems it will never be done, and the closer you get to the end of the treatment, the more you both probably long for it to be may even feel like the treatment is dragging...but you are almost there...and Thank God you will be able to begin to put this all behind you...

    And what a mountain the two of you have climbed!!!! And what confidence George has in you after walking these difficult days together! Soon, you will begin the descent back to your new normal...and things will begin to "feel" truly normal again...they will!! It takes time...but it happens...I promise!!!

    And of course, in the meantime, you and George continue to be in my prayers daily...and will be so...I am so glad you posted...I have been wondering how you were doing...I am relieved to read this...and send you great big hugs!!! You have demonstrated so much courage!!! I think you both are simply amazing!!! With much love, Janine XO

  3. Bernie and Janine are such good examples to follow Quieten, you couldn't ask for better inspiring friends. I hope you can find comfort in what they had to say. Having a loved one suffer needlessly is heart breaking. I hope a brighter day comes soon...just think positive, that there will be one! My husband is waiting on the results of a throat biopsy! Waiting is hard!
    Take care,

  4. That Oral Surgeon is lucky that he didn't get hit over the head! I can't imagine him doing such a thing without any anesthesia of any kind!
    I know what you mean about blogging Quieten, I too haven't blogged much because I didn't want to bring anyone down during the holidays. Your last comment meant so much to me. I will keep you and George in my thoughts and prayers.
    Love Di

  5. Hi quiten,
    People can be so insensitive, including doctors. I am so glad that you were there for George and I am sure that Goerge feels the same way. I send lots of love and prayers to you for good things in the New Year. Think postive and take one day at a time.
    Take care of yourself.

  6. Wanda- I'm waiting with you, holding your hand and praying for positive results. Please let me know how things go.

  7. Janine,
    You are right - it does seem endless right now. I just keep thinking that Spring will soon be here and with that new season will hopefully be a new season for the both of us. Thanks for the big hugs - they were warmly received :-)

  8. Bernie,
    Some days that mountain seems to go up and up and up. Thank you so very very much for reminding me that it does a top and another side. And that we will get to that other side! I can't believe I've learned patience -it's never been my strong suit! :0)

  9. Love you so much, Quieten!!!! You are continually in my thoughts and prayers...wish I could do more!! ~Janine XOXO